Any weight I lose I will have to gain back at some point.
Either that, or die.
And that is the harsh truth of it, unfortunately.
Haven’t done an update in ages. I’m doing okay, I guess. I had an appointment on tuesday where they weighed me. I hadn’t been weighed in around a month, probably a bit more, as I refused to be weighed the previous time before. I had gained, but only a pound in that entire month. Which I found odd. I have been eating more than I used to, finishing my meal at dinner (well, sometimes). Not been counting calories, or hiding food in my room so mum didn’t know I hadn’t eaten. Maybe I’m learning to be more honest, and learning about what I have to do. It’s not really like I have a choice. My weight was getting badly underweight, it was either eat, or keep restricting and end up in hospital.
It’s not easy, but the way I’m trying to think of it is gaining muscle, not fat. I’m eating more, but I’m exercising too. I haven’t done much recently though, thanks to this damn chest infection and cold. Blerrrrgh. I did start running at 6 in the morning though, but then the sickness has meant I had to stop the running. So in the mean time I’m training my body in other ways, lifting weights, doing squats, push-ups. I can see a difference in my arms, the muscle is poking out much more. That’s what I need - my strength back. I got so stupidly weak I could hardly carry the plates of food at work. Stupid and pathetic, really. But it’s harder than I thought it would be to gain weight. I have my bad days. Its 4:05 in the afternoon and I still haven’t made myself any lunch… not good really, but I’ll just have to compensate by eating a good dinner. Bad days are there, negative feelings are there, but when I exercise, even if its just doing weights, my thoughts are distracted onto something else. I feel like I’m achieving something. That the muscles I’m training now are the ones which will allow me to lift up my children in the future, and to work successfully, and to remain strong so if anyone calls me fat I can kick their ass rather then cry about it, no matter how it makes me feel.
All in all, I’m not going to let myself get fat. I’m going to let myself get strong. But the thoughts are there. The bad days are still there. The missed meals still sometimes happen. I’m just being a lot more honest about it.
<3
I’m poorly today :( last night I couldn’t eat or drink anything, I had no appetite, and then I developed a high temperature along with stomach pains, a migraine, sore throat and nausea. I didn’t know if my knees were trembling as I walked downstairs because I was ill or I hadn’t eaten.
Sooo I’m now snuggled up with my dog on the Sims 3, watching Ugly Betty, and trying to work up some sort of appetite. Gonna get myself good and healthy for tomorrow night, when George is staying over :)
99 pounds. BMI 17.8. I’m failing. I need to stop this. I’m frightened now.
That feeling when your throat hurts so bad, just because you’re trying so hard not to cry…
Dear ______,
Just because you’re afraid of the future doesn’t mean I am too.
Just because I focus on what I want in the future doesn’t make me immature.
Just because you put me down doesn’t make you the bigger person.
Just because you think you’re wiser than me doesn’t mean it’s true.
Just because you put down my decisions and plans doesn’t mean I’m going to stop making them.
Just because you tell me things I need to change about myself doesn’t mean I do nothing right.
Just because you say I’m not the perfect girl for you doesn’t mean you’re perfect too.
Just because I want things that you don’t doesn’t mean that they are wrong.
Just because you tell me you want me to change, doesn’t mean I have to listen.
Just because you say I’m wrong, doesn’t make you always right.
Just because I already think I’m not good enough, doesn’t mean you have to remind me.
Love, Becky.
legit
This is bs it isn’t workomggggg it works iv got atleast 100+ in 15 minutes
OMG thanks were are all these followers coming from ? :)
WOW! they won’t stop hahaha already 140 followers in 10 minutes
Thank’s So Much. :D
IT WORKED????? FUCK I’M GOING TO BE TUMBLR FAMOUS!
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I’ve literally gotten
100300 new followers from this. Like, what the fuck hahaSame here ^ woah, i didnt think these things really worked, hahahah
I just gained 75 new followers??? Be jealouss!
Wow! I finally reached my first 100 because of this!
hmm i wonder if this works:)
Today’s been a good day :D Feel so exhausted from work last night, it was the first time I’ve worked since boxing day, and I’m working again tonight :) I weighed myself again today, I’ve lost weight since yesterday. Now 101 pounds, BMI 18.1. Not sure how I feel about that to be honest but oh well. Feel too positive to let anything get me down, I’m too happy happy happy :D <3
I cracked today
Today was really hard. My boyfriend crumbled and opened up to me about how he felt about my eating. He said he didn’t think I was going to make it through it, that things were too hard at home for me and this would always be a part of my life. In some ways it will always be a part of my life but I need to COPE. I need to be happy. I want to be happy again :) He took back what he said. He does believe in me, and I will beat this one day.
My dad suffers from angina and is on a weight loss plan. Tonight we weighed ourselves. I hadn’t weighed in 14 days. No change at all, surprisingly. My BMI is now slightly underweight at 18.4 but it’s not so bad, I’m not going to worry too much :)
All in all, I’m feeling good today. I’m concerned about a close friends health. She broke down today and she’s looking pale and sick and I want her to be okay. She knows I’m there for her.
